Yer Vue
Instructor Kirsten Moffler-Daykin
Descriptive Essay
10/8/13
As I make my way up the trail I can hear the
woodchip cracking beneath my feet. The branches are creaking, my feet
are shuffling through the soil and woodchip, squirrels chattering,
leaves rustling, and the birds singing. It’s been
a long 4 years since I’ve gone hiking. I’m determined to reach the top
of the forest and return back in 45 minutes.
I push and push and make my way up to the
half-way point at the top of the forest. I rest to listen and observe
what surrounds me. I can hear the wind whistling and the insects
humming. I lifted my face open to the sun and it beams
down on me, letting the light and shadow dance across my skin. I can
smell the odor of my sweat and taste my salty lips. As I look to the
right I can see that a spider has woven her home around a patch of fern
to the right of me. I can see a big satellite
dish and what seems to be a radio station about 50 yards from me. I see
twigs and branches lying on the ground, and I make sure I step over
them so I don’t fall. I reach the end of the trail that leads me back
down to the beginning.
I just went hiking at Hixton today! It was beautiful with all the fall leaves changing color. Maybe you could have mentioned that too?I can easily pick out your topic of hiking through the forest in the first paragraph. I lifted my face open to the sun and it beams down on me, letting the light and shadow dance across my skin. I notice that the light was fading, creating new shadows and dark patches around me. These were two sentences I thought were absolutely amazing, especially how you said the light and shadows were dancing across your face!!! I found a couple grammar errors. I would say I was overjoyed in one of the last sentences. In the first sentence I would put I can hear the wood chips cracking beneath my feet. Overall I liked reading this blog because I like hiking too. Hope you make your next hike in 35 minutes.
ReplyDeleteYour description is quite vivid and in touch with your surroundings. I know the area as well and it is what you describe. The story almost sounds like a hunting trip for me. I have memories that relate as well.
ReplyDeleteYou use awesome descriptions to paint a mental picture. I like that you said the shadows intimidated you.
ReplyDeleteI also enjoy hiking, and have been on the hixon trails a lot over the years. Could get a nice image of your hike, and I loved your ending. Just a couple spelling errors that I found, but over all well written. Good job
ReplyDeleteI liked reading your essay. In the fall and winter I tend to hike anywhere from 4 to 12 miles a weekend. I can completely relate to your descriptions, it felt like I was right there hiking Hixton with you. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI could really feel like i was there with you on that hike! i love the trails around la crosse they are so peaceful. I also liked how you showed you determination at the end there to push yourself harder next time.
ReplyDeleteI noticed just a few errors in spelling. I didn't realize that Hixon is so nice I have not been there. I felt a little rushed with your goal of 45 minutes. I would have liked a little more description of everything. Although with the things that you described you did well.
ReplyDeleteI grew up in La Crosse and have been to Hixon many times and you did a great job of putting it into words.The branches are creaking, my feet are shuffling through the soil and woodchip, squirrels chattering, leaves rustling, and the birds singing is a great descriptive sentence. I liked how you told a story within the descriptive content.
ReplyDeleteVery clear main topic, beginning, middle, and ending were well laid out. I liked that you described not only what you saw, but what you felt physically and what you were thinking the whole way. At the end the mood of the piece turned a little suspenseful which really drew me in and made me curious about the outcome. The relief of seeing the clearing and the joy of making your time was really highlighted because of your previous description of being intimidated and rushed. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked the descriptive sentences you used in this essay. I enjoyed how you said the beam from the sun danced acrossed your skin. It took me back to a moment in time, when I experienced the same kind of thing. Very good writing.
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